Nearsighted

So the other day I was sitting at the circulation desk and someone stopped by, said hey, and startled me. Usually, I notice people walking up, I'm a pretty observant person but lately I think I have been a little nearsighted. Oh yes, here I go on elaborating and tying this into my life. I think I have been focusing a little too much on what is going on in the moment, rather than looking out into the future. Don't get me wrong, "live in the moment" is one of my favorite quotes and if you aren't in the today mind frame, you are wasting a perfectly wonderful day. But it kind of hit me....I need to be somewhat planning for my future. I've just finished my second year of college and look how fast it has gone by....I think the next year and a half is going to go by even faster. I am so scared!

I've been looking into every single possibility that would allow me to stay in Utah for the summer just because I love being independent and don't want to lose that by moving home. But financially.... moving home is the only logical thing to do at this point. Why can't I just accept that it is the right thing for me to do and be happy? Oh yeah, it's because I am so stuck on staying here and having fun....not the fact that I'm in debt and need to make money to pay off my study abroad. It all makes perfect sense, I just don't want to listen to the sensible side of things.

I've also been thinking a lot about my trip and it is starting to terrify me. For class on Tuesday, we met with the guys that run the SEED program in Trujillo. We looked at a sample business plan and discussed what information they had, what more we needed to see, and how to evaluate whether or not we should loan them money. I am a marketing/PR major....I see things more on the creative side....not the whole "well according to the income statement and their ROI when you look at their financial projections...blah blah..." OMG I could seriously screw up someones life! My group gets to look at two different businesses and determine whether or not they get a loan. These people have nothing...and I don't know what I am doing! I'm so nervous for this part of it, so so nervous!

Packing has also been taking its toll on me. My room is so bare! I have packed up more than half of my room and I don't really know what else to do. It's rough because I am essentially packing for three different things: the three weeks here in Logan before I leave, five weeks in S.A., and stuff I don't need until after the trip that I am sending home. I have a week left in the hood and I'm really going to miss that place, a lot!

It's been really nice having my own space, when I get stressed out I tend to keep to myself so I don't explode on anyone...and lately it has definitely been a good thing. I'm so tired of drama and gossip and letting petty little things get to me. I have been trying really hard not to gossip, I don't want people involved in my personal life, so why should I be messing with theirs? Along with that, I want to be more positive. There has been a rain cloud of negativity hovering over the hood and I am going to use my umbrella to stay away from it. haha that is probably one of the lamest phrases I have ever come up with, but I think it makes perfect sense. People can be cranky and not care about much, but I have so much to be grateful for that I shouldn't let any of it bring me down. I am so content with my life right now, I'm to the point that I am ok. It took me awhile to get there, but this week everything kind of fell into place and I am so happy!